Jabba the Hut

So this is what happened to me yesterday.  You know, just a typical Wednesday afternoon in my life.

After being lost for the first 25 years of my life, and following 9 years of driving like a grandma, I decided it's finally time to buy a GPS for my car.  Should be pretty simple, yeah?  I drive over to Best Buy, and park my car on the street.  After pressing buttons on different GPS systems for a few minutes, the salesman comes up to me and says, "You've been here before".  Ruh roh.  He remembers me.  About 3 weeks ago, I came to the store to look for a GPS.  I spent about an hour looking at different types, and he recommended I buy the Garmin.  Naturally, I feel like he's trying to rip me off.  I see my chance. When he's not looking, I awkwardly run away and leave the store without buying anything.

So here I am.  Same store.  Same salesman.  3 weeks later.  "Buy the Garmin", he says.  I ask to see other models, and he tells me to look at the TomTom.  When I'm playing with this new device, I have a few questions for him.  I try to get his attention, but apparently he was busy.  He was doing pushups on the ground a few feet away from me.  Ok, that's real normal.  I let him finish his workout.  "But I'm an impoverished student", I say.  "Fine, then get the TomTom." I'd save about $40.  I'm Jewish, so naturally that sounds like a good idea.  Just to make sure I'm not making a mistake, I call my friend who actually knows about technology.  He's busy, he'll call me back.  After hanging around the store for 20 minutes (while trying to avoid the Rambo-of-a-salesman), I decide to buy the TomTom, as well as a pair of green headphones (just because...why not?).  I leave the store.  I have a voicemail from my friend.  "Buy the Garmin", he says.  Humbug.  I don't want to see the salesman again, and I have dinner plans...so I decide to return it tomorrow as I walk back to my car.  Only my car isn't there.  I see the car that I parked next to being towed away.  Awesome.  Then I notice the 'No Parking After 4pm or You Will be Subject to the Guillotine' sign stealthily placed under the green 'Yayyyyy You Can Park Here for Free if You Sold Your Soul to the DC DMV to Get a Zone 3 Parking Permit' sign.  After walking home, I call the number that was on the stealthy sign.  She tells me my car was towed 2 blocks away from where I was parked in the first place.  Awesome.  I walk back.  I realize I'm a block away from Best Buy again.  Ugh.  I still have my TomTom in hand, so I walk back in the store.  There's Rambo.  "Yeahhh, I'm going to go with the Garmin afterall", I say.  He gives me a weird look...the kind of look that I probably would have gotten if I walked into the store wearing a hippopotamus costume.  I complete the exchange, and leave the store, hopefully forever.  Naturally, I set off the metal detectors on my way out.  I walk to where my car was towed, and get inside.  Finally.

So, I stick in my keys, and try to start the engine.  Naturally, the key won't turn.  Then I notice that the steering wheel is backwards.  Sweet.  I try to turn the wheel to its normal position, but stop when I hear crunching noises.  It's about 90 degrees outside, and I'm sweating my arse off.  I call the number from the stealthy sign again.  The lady remembers me.  "My steering wheel is backwards.  Help?!"  

"What?"

"My steering wheel is backwards!"

"Ummmmm ok shugah, I'll send help."

"I love you."

After sauteing myself in my car for 15 minutes, I see a tow truck pull up next to me.  What I think is a man comes toward my car.  He strangely resembles Jabba the Hut.  Please don't eat me!  Phew, he doesn't.  That was a close one...thank goodness I exercise!  Instead, he has me twist my key in the ignition and the steering wheel at the same time, and it magically the wheel twists back to it's normal position.  Thanks Jabba!  Clearly, they could not have told me to do that over the phone...but they had to dispatch the Star Wars cast to my car.  He makes slurping noises, and slithers away, probably back to the Cantina.  Ok, fine, he didn't really slup, but I wouldn't have been surprised if he did.  I drive home, newly clad with a Garmin GPS, green headphones, and a $100 parking ticket.  Just another normal Wednesday afternoon.